You are so devoted to them.

You pray for them. You cover them. You show up for them. You rearrange your life around their moods, their needs, their opinions. You always check what they thought before you make decisions. You love them so deeply and without realizing it, you have started worshipping them.

And they took everything you gave.

Because that is what happens when you hand a person the kind of devotion that was only meant for God.

There is a word for anyone who places another person or thing in God’s position.

It is called idolatry. And most people who find themselves in this situation never associate the name with themselves.

Before you decide this teaching is not for you, hear me out.

An idolater is not just someone who bows down to a statue. The Bible makes it clear that idolatry is a matter of the heart. Ezekiel 14:3 talks about people who have set up idols in their hearts, not in temples, not on altars, in their hearts. The idol does not have to be made of wood or gold. It just has to be the thing you run to instead of God.

So ask yourself honestly. What or who do you run to instead of God?

Whose approval do you need before you feel settled? Whose mood decides how your whole day goes? Whose opinion do you weigh before you make a decision, even a decision about your own life? Whose presence makes you feel safe and whose absence makes you feel like your world is coming apart?

If the answer to any of those questions is a person, then that person has taken a place in your heart that belongs to God. That is idolatry. The kind that looks like love from the outside but comes with chains on the inside.

Whatever we treasure more than God, whatever drives our thoughts and actions, becomes an idol.

You may not have set out to make someone your god. But you did. And now you are wondering why the relationship has cost you so much of yourself.

A narcissist is someone who needs to be worshipped.

Researchers describe narcissists as individuals who are addicted to admiration. They desire to hold their interest above anyone or anything else and always want to be the focus of all attention.

A narcissist wakes up every morning with a hunger that never gets fully satisfied. They need you to see them as special. As someone who is not ordinary. As someone worth organizing your life around. And when you give them that power, when you pour your devotion, your attention and all your emotion into them, they feel entitled. Because in their mind, this is simply what they deserve.

To them, it is all about validating self.

They are not in a relationship with you. They are using the relationship as a mirror. And the moment you stop reflecting back what they want to see, everything changes.

Here is the part that gets overlooked.

Narcissists are admired when they make an initial good impression, but as people become less enamored by them, they seek out new acquaintances to satisfy the craving for admiration.

Here is something important.

An idolater needs someone to worship. A narcissist needs someone to worship them.

On paper, that sounds like a perfect match. In reality, it is two broken people completing each other's brokenness. The idolater brings their devotion, their deep hunger to be chosen and valued by the one they love, their willingness to give everything. The narcissist brings their hunger for admiration, their need to be the center of someone's world, their inability to love without needing to be the most important person in the room.

They find each other because one presents what the other is looking for. And for a while it feels like true love. The narcissist makes the idolater feel chosen. The idolater makes the narcissist feel worshipped. It is intoxicating and intriguing for both parties.

But in reality, they were never in a true relationship. They were only filling the need that had resulted from a dysfunction. In a God kind of relationship, both parties serve each other. One doesn't worship while the other craves worship.

The reward for idolatry is a narcissistic partner.

And that relationship is always going to cost the idolater everything. Because they are the one doing the actual giving. The narcissist only cares about taking.

God has never been neutral about idolatry. In the Old Testament, idolatry was treated as high treason against God. It was a fundamental rejection of who He is and what He alone can be for His children.

God makes it very clear that those who engage in any form of idolatry will have no part in His kingdom. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Galatians 5:19-21 both list idolatry as an act that separates people from God.

And throughout the Old Testament the pattern is consistent. Israel would give their devotion to something other than God. God would allow them to experience the full consequences of what they chose over Him. The pain of those consequences was what eventually drove them back to Him.

You chose this person above God. God allowed you to feel the full weight of what you chose. The partner who drained you, controlled you, took everything you offered and gave back crumbs. That was not random misfortune. That is what happens when you put a broken cistern where only God belongs.

He is not doing this to be cruel. He is letting you feel what it costs so you will want to come back.

Exodus 20:5 says: "I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God."

He is jealous for you. In the way a parent feels when they watch their child hand their trust to someone who will hurt them. He knows what you are worth. He knows what you deserve. And He knows that no person on earth can give you what you are looking for from them.

These are honest and specific things that help. Not spiritual platitudes. Real steps.

Be honest about who is really on the throne of your life. Not who you say is on the throne when you are in church or in prayer. Who actually is. Whose voice do you hear first when you wake up in the morning? Whose opinion shapes the decisions you make throughout the day? Who do you think about all day? Whose absence makes you feel like your whole world is crumbling? Answer those questions honestly. The answer tells you who your real God is right now. There is no shame in admitting it. But there is freedom in telling yourself the truth.

Find out where the wound came from. Nobody gives another person that level of devotion without a reason. It usually stems from a need. The need to feel chosen. To feel safe. To feel like you were enough. You’ve always had that need before this person came into your life. They did not create the need. They just seemed like they could fill it. So take that wound to God in prayer. He is the only one who can truly heal it.

Start rebuilding what this person has been replacing. If your prayer life has shrunk because this relationship has been filling that space, that is where you start. Five minutes in the morning before you do anything else. One honest conversation with God before you have any conversation with them. You need to start placing God first again in your life.

Set limits that protect your walk with God. If this relationship is still active and it continues to pull you away from God, that is something you need to act on. Loving someone does not mean giving them unlimited access to the parts of you that belong to God. Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart above all else. That includes being honest about what this relationship is doing to your relationship with God and making the hard changes that protect what matters most.

Remind yourself about the truth. Write it down in a journal if that helps you. Say it out loud if you need to hear it. I release my need for this person's approval to determine my worth. I release my need to be chosen by them in order to feel good about myself. I trust God to be what only He can be in my life. Keep repeating these words until they become true in your heart. That is how you start to gain freedom.

There is a sentence I want to leave you with. It is one of the most honest things I have come across about this topic and it has stayed with me.

The reward for idolatry is a narcissistic partner.

Think about that carefully. The consequence of giving your devotion to someone who is not God is ending up with someone who demands exactly that devotion while being completely unable to give anything true in return. The idolater who needed someone to worship found the narcissist who needed to be worshipped. And the idolater ends up empty.

Psalm 115:8 says: "Those who make idols become like them, so do all who trust in them."

When you give your life to someone who cannot love you well, you start to become what they reflect back at you. Less. Smaller. Dependent. Invisible.

But that is not who God made you to be.

You were made to carry His image. To love freely from a full place. To give without grasping and to be known without losing yourself.

Come back to God. Bring the wound, the history and the honest truth. Let Him be what He has always been trying to be for you.

The only one worthy of everything you have to give.

✝ Kingdom Mantra

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Has someone ever held a place in your heart that only God should hold? Are you still in that relationship or you have come out of it? Hit reply to this email or drop a comment below if you are reading this on our website. I would love to hear from you. God bless you and do have a great week ahead. ❤️