Maybe there's someone in your life you've been praying would change.

You wish your husband would listen more. You wish your wife would appreciate you more. You want your children to be more respectful. You're tired of always being the friend who checks in first.

And perhaps you're right. They may need to change.

But have you ever wondered what they would say if someone asked them if you need to change?

Maybe they wish you listened more too. Maybe they don't feel appreciated either. Maybe while you're waiting for them to change, they're hoping you'll change too.

It's easy to see what someone isn't giving us. After all, we know how we want them to treat us. But how often do we stop to think about how we treat them?

Matthew 7:12 says, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”

We've probably heard that verse many times. But think about how practical it is.

You want your spouse to appreciate you more. How often do you tell them what you appreciate about them?

You want your children to listen to you. But when they're telling you something that matters to them, do you actually listen? Or are you already thinking about what you're going to say before they've even finished?

You wish your friend checked on you more. When was the last time you checked on them?

Sometimes what we wish people would do for us is exactly what we could be doing more of for them.

That doesn't mean someone treating you poorly is your fault. And treating people well doesn't guarantee they'll treat you the same way in return. But while we're asking God to work on them, we should be willing to let Him work on us too.

There's something else that can make it difficult to see our own flaws in a relationship. We know the reasons behind the things we do.

You know you didn't mean to sound rude. Your child only heard the way you spoke to them. You know you've had a long day and you're tired. Your spouse only knows you've barely spoken to them since you got home. You know you care about your friend. But if you haven't checked on them in months, they don't know about all the times you thought about reaching out but didn't.

That's one of the difficult things about relationships. We see our own behavior with context other people don't have. We know when we're tired. We know when we're stressed. We know what we meant to say or do.

But other people don't live in our minds, so they can only see what we show them.

Philippians 2:4 tells us not to look only to our own interests, “but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Sometimes that means thinking about how our actions might look to the person on the receiving end of them.

The next time you find yourself thinking, I wish they would just..., don't ignore the thought. You may have a perfectly valid reason for feeling that way.

But before you decide what they need to do differently, take an honest look at yourself too.

If you wish your spouse would listen more, think about how well you've been listening to them. If you're frustrated that a friend rarely makes time for you, think about the effort you've been making. And when they do reach out, do you make room for what's going on in their life, or does the conversation usually end up being about you? If you want your children to speak to you with more respect, pay attention to how you speak to them, especially when you're upset.

Then do something about it.

Maybe there's something you need to apologize for. Maybe there's a habit you need to work on. Maybe you need to stop waiting for them to make the first move. And yes, sometimes you may need to have an honest conversation about something that's hurting you.

Looking at yourself doesn't mean the other person hasn't done anything wrong. It just means you're not so focused on what they need to change that you miss what you could change too.

You can't do their part for them. But you can take responsibility for yours.

Sometimes relationships get stuck because everyone is waiting for someone else to go first.

I'll make more effort when they do.
I'll listen when they start listening to me.
I'll show more appreciation when I feel appreciated.

And sometimes we stay stuck, not because we don't know what we could do differently, but because we're waiting for the other person to do it first.

I'm not saying you have to tolerate poor treatment, ignore the ways someone has hurt you or remove boundaries that need to be there.

But you don't have to let someone else's actions stop you from working on yourself too.

Maybe they'll change. Maybe they won't. But if there's something in you that needs to change, don't wait for them to go first.

✝ Kingdom Mantra

Think about someone you've been hoping would change. Is there anything you could do differently too? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and as always, feel free to reply if there's anything you'd like me to pray with you about.

God bless you, and have a pleasant weekend. ❤️